Is my brain still in my head...or is it oozing out of my ears...?

I am pretty sure my brain is oozing...yep, it's oozing...that's not a mess I want to clean up.

Ok, Unit 10 blog...ugh...I am so done with blogging...

Back on point.  Looking back at my Unit 3 post, I can say that my numbers are pretty much the same for each area.  In my paper, I think I even rated myself at or near these numbers without even realizing it.  I don't really know what it means; I don't think it is a sign of non-growth.  It could just be me being still uncomfortable with rating myself...or just a weird coincidence.  If I had to choose an area where I think the number may have shifted a little higher, it would be the spiritual aspect.  I would probably put myself at a 5.5 because of the way the loving-kindness prayer makes me feel.  In this game, I think any step in the right direction is a good one.

As far as the practices I mentioned in my Unit 3 post, I am still doing them.  Tonight is Krav night actually.  I stayed home from Crossfit because I had a B**** of a final paper due.  I had to look at my nutrition from the viewpoint of a pregnant woman, a lactating, woman, and (of all things) a 70+ year old man.  Maybe I should have channeled my inner healer so he could shed some light on what it is like to be a 70+ year old man.  I still use my stress management techniques and I have to say that they are becoming more like a second nature.  Big plus for that.

I have taken to the loving-kindness prayer and still use it during my wods.  I also mentioned volunteering, but I haven't done anything in that area.  Would donating clothes count?  I am going to say yes.

As far as this course is concerned, I must say that it has been very enlightening.  It shed some light on things I need to work on (there is always something, is there not?) and how paying attention to every aspect of my life can bring me closer to wholeness.  There were challenges (please see past posts if you are unfamiliar with what these were for me lol), but all in all, I feel like I have grown a little more.  Hopefully, I will be able to carry this with me where ever we end up next.

Well, that is all that I really have to say.  Thanks to everyone who read my posts and commented.  I tried to make them interesting and fun.  I hope everyone has a great Christmas and a Happy New Year!! 

This is Mel, saying for the last time: TTFN: Tata For Now

Unit 9 Final Project...whew!

Introduction

            Health and wellness professionals are in a unique position.  We are the harbingers of a healthy and whole life.  We are the ones our patients look to for guidance on how to begin their own journey to health and wholeness.  However, if we do not fully understand the process it can be difficult to teach it to others.  Therefore, it is very important for health and wellness professionals to work on their own physical, psychological, and spiritual development.  By continuing to develop these aspects of our lives, it will help to keep us moving forward on our own path, as well as keeping us in touch with our patients.

            We are made up of body, mind, and spirit; it is these aspects of our life that must be developed to help us reach health, happiness and wholeness.  Developing our physical body is a bit of a necessity since we only get one during our lifetime.  Keeping our bodies healthy can be considered laying a good foundation for the development of our psychological and spiritual life.  This leads me to the next area of development: our mind. 

            Our psychological development helps to expand our awareness of our thoughts and feelings and how they can influence our actions.  By working on our inner self, we can start to change negative thought patterns and behaviors into more positive ones.  This is an ever evolving process and one that may be frightening at times.  However, as we start to clean up the psychological clutter our minds become clearer and calmer.  This is essential if we wish to continue on to the area of spiritual development.

            Spiritual development, like our psychological development, can be a subjective thing.  It is something that we each must work on ourselves; no one else can do it for us.  Every soul on

this planet, at some point, was taught certain morals or values; things to believe in and help guide us.  In order to develop spiritually, we must choose to either make these beliefs a part of our being or discard them for ones that better fit who we are.  It is also important for our spiritual development to remember that our patients may have different spiritual beliefs from our own and to respect them.

Assessment

            For my personal assessment of my physical, psychological, and spiritual development, I will be scoring on a scale of 1-10; with 10 being the absolute best.  I highly doubt that I will get a 10 in either of these aspects because I understand that I am an imperfect being.  In the area of physical development, I feel that I am at an 8.  I have mentioned my passion for Crossfit and Krav Maga before.  These activities, coupled with my paleo lifestyle, help to keep me healthy.  However, I still have physical goals that I am working toward and I will touch on these later on.

            As for my psychological development, I will put myself down at a 7.5.  I have taken many psychology and stress management classes, as well as read a few books in these areas.  This has helped me to become more aware of my thoughts and my feelings and how my actions are a reflection of these.  I am happy to say that this awareness has helped me to change some negative patterns and develop more positive ones; especially in the body and self-image department.    I have also learned how to recognize when I am feeling stressed and how to calm myself down.

My spiritual development is probably the area that I need the most work on.  I consider myself a spiritual person, I have my personal beliefs about God, but I don’t really do much to cultivate this area of my life.  While I do pray, I do not go out of my way to seek spiritual enlightenment through other means.  For this reason, I believe I should score myself at a 4.5, maybe a 5.  As I said, I do pray, but not doing anything else to feed my spiritual development is keeping me from growing fully as a whole person.

Goal Development

            I have two Crossfit competitions coming up in January; an individual event and a team event.  Not surprisingly, my physical goals revolve around doing my absolute best at each competition.  To that end, my goal is to increase my load for both squats and deadlift.  I currently stand at 185 lbs. for my back squat, 225 lbs. for my deadlift, and 135 lbs. for my front squat.  I would like to see each of these numbers raise by twenty pounds by the time my competitions roll around.

            As for my psychological goal, I would like for my mind to become clearer and calmer.  Next year is going to be a stressful time because our three year tour will be complete and this means that we will be moving to our next duty station.  It also means that my husband will be back on deployment status.  I find myself worrying over where we will be sent and when he will deploy to and where.  I know what I want to happen; I want to move back to North Carolina so that I can be closer to family and have some support while he is gone.  However, this is not something that I can control.  I feel that if my mind were clearer and a little calmer, I could better accept what orders we get.

            My spiritual goal is a little more difficult.  To be completely honest, I am not sure if I even have one.  I am not interested in attending church because man always finds a way to mess up God’s simple message of love and faith.  I am not really sure what to put and maybe that is the problem.  Maybe I am not as in-tune with myself to recognize what I need to set as my spiritual goal.  In light of this, I feel that my spiritual goal should be to spend more time cultivating this aspect of my life.

Practices for Personal Health

            I believe that my current practices for my physical development, Crossfit and Krav Maga, are working just fine.  To help me reach my lifting goals, I have been working with my Crossfit coach and she has helped to design specific workouts in order to achieve them.  Tuesdays and Thursdays are devoted to strength work designed to help increase my speed and fine tune my form.  The rest of the week is joining in with my regular noon class, with some extra cardiovascular work afterwards.

            For my psychological development, I believe that continuing my loving-kindness prayer during my workouts will help to calm my mind.  Another practice that I think will help clear and calm my mind is just to sit quietly.  It has recently been brought to my attention that I never stop moving; I am constantly doing something or taking care of someone.  I never stop and just let myself be.  I believe that this constant motion is contributing to my cluttered thoughts and worried mind.  I am not suggesting that I meditate or focus on my breathing.  I just want to sit and quietly let my awareness spread out to all that is around me, and let it fill me.  Another practice that I believe will help me in this area is to start thinking about the positive side of our upcoming move.  If I can focus on the positive things that can come from this move, I believe I will be better able to handle whatever orders we get.  I will be conditioned to looking at the bright side, if you will.

As far as practices for my spiritual development, I will continue to pray.  I also feel that my sitting quietly, or attempting to sit quietly, will also help to further my spiritual development.  By disconnecting myself from the chaos around me, I believe I will be better able to “hear” my spiritual side.  This could help me better identify specific spiritual goals that can further my development.       

Commitment

            I believe that of the three developmental areas, my physical goals will be the easiest ones to assess my progress in.  In order to see how well I am progressing toward these goals, I will perform my bench mark 1 repetition max for each lift again.  Any increase in the weight for these lifts will indicate that I am on the right path.  If there is no increase or if I actually decrease, I will know that I need to collaborate with my coach and tweak my strength plan.

            Measuring my progress in my psychological and spiritual development may be a little more difficult.  As I have mentioned before, these are really subjective areas.  I could measure how long I am able to sit quietly and how often I do this.  It might be for a short amount of time at first, maybe 5 minutes or so, and only done once or twice a week.  I believe if I can manage to increase the time by a minute or two each week and even increase to three times a week, I will be making good progress. 

When we actually get our orders for our next duty station, I feel that this will be another test of my progress.  If during that stressful time I can keep the negative thoughts at bay and focus more on the positive aspects of it, I will know that I have come a long way to being mentally fit and hardy.  Ultimately, though, I believe that I will have to judge my progress on how I feel inside and how much calmer I am in stressful situations.

I hope everyone had a great term!  Thank you to everyone who either followed or commented on my blog.   Thank you, Mark, for another great class.  Merry Christmas and Happy New year to one and all! 

           

Me, Duke, and My Exercises

Howdy, everybody!
Already into week 8, which means (gulp), we will be working on final projects soon.
I will let that sink in for a moment.  While it is sinking, here is a picture of my oldest "son", Duke

More specifically, a pic of Duke and my son when he was about a month old.  Can you see the love?  Since one of our discussion board posts dealt with the human/animal bond, I thought this picture would be awesome.  Take another moment to enjoy the warm fuzzies that should be running up and down your body.  If you aren't feeling them, you must be that one person that didn't cry at the end of Old Yeller.  In that case, please delete me bro.

Onto my Unit 8 post! Dinner is smelling really good...I love my freakin crock pot! I put in ingredients and out comes food that is edible and even delicious!  It's like magic!

Ok, back on point! These past few weeks have been really interesting for me.  We all know that I am not that interested in meditation, so I had to really think about which exercises I would like to try and continue with.  One would be the loving-kindness prayer (I really dislike meditation; I can't even put that word there lol) that I do during my WODs.  This really centers me while I am working and I have found that I can hang in the land of suck-ville for a lot longer than I use to.  My breathing is better and my focus is...well...more focused.  I have also noticed that after it is all done and I am packing me and my son back into the car to head home, I feel really connected with whomever I was praying for.  It's like the miles in between us don't really matter.  I can feel them next to me.  I wonder if they feel something...?

After much consideration, I have to admit that I really enjoyed meeting my inner healer.  He looked so interesting and wise, but not so wise that he didn't enjoy a good joke every now and then.  I think I would like to see what I can learn from him.  This might sound crazy (big surprise there, right?), but I think I will try to visit him when I workout.  This seems to help with the loving-kindness prayer.  Maybe it just might work.  I could try to alternate them.  So far I can do the loving-kindness at least once a week, sometimes twice a week.  Maybe I might be able to visit my healer that much too....

I believe that these two exercises will help me get "mentally" fit.  I've already mentioned above some things I have noticed just by doing the loving-kindness prayer.  I'm thinking that my inner healer might be able to teach me a thing or two as well.  When I workout, my mind is still and calm.  This makes for a great setting to get some cosmic knowledge.  Who knows, I might even get to meet the cosmic knowledge fish!
(That last was a reference to Muppets in Space. If you don't know who the Muppets are, please delete me bro).

TTFN: Tata For Now
-Mel

Meeting My Inner Healer and Walking the Line

Hello Everybody!
Figured I would begin with something other than "holy crow".  I didn't realize how much I used that phrase until I looked over past posts.
If you were to look at me right now, you'd probably be giving the bruises on my arms a really weird look.  No worries.  Along with my passion for Crossfit, my husband and I also practice Krav Maga.  We will be eligible to test for our next belt after Saturday.  This week was working on blocking and well, what do you use to block? Your forearms!  Yeah, my forearms are covered in bruises because in class, the way you say you like someone is to hit hard! LOL!  On the bright side, I always give as good as I get.

Enough with my bruises and love of fighting. Onto my Unit 7 post!

I am kind of proud of myself with this meditation.  I actually was in "the zone" for at least 5 minutes! That is 4 minutes better than any of my other attempts! Hooray!!!  Another accomplishment, I kept at it.  If I got distracted, I started over.  Finally, I was able to get myself under control and be guided on this exercise.

I was shocked to see that my inner healer was a short, bald guy dressed as a monk, and had a toothy grin.  I have no idea where that image came from.  My original image was of the chiropractor I worked with before we moved to Ohio,  but the image kept messing up.  I would focus on her face, but it would mess up and this other image would come in.  It reminded me of an old tv set with rabbit ears that you had to arrange in just the right way to keep the channel clear.   After a few minutes of this, I just got tired of trying to tune the channel, so I let go and let the toothy monk take the stage.

This meditation was going along ok, I was feeling warm and comfortable with my monk.  That is until it got to the part of assuming the form of the monk.  I was resistant to that.  I think because I am a woman and, for the most part, I've enjoyed it.  I didn't want to assume the form of my male monk.  Sue me.

I remember mentioning how I have found myself doing my loving-kindness meditation while I am in the middle of a WOD.  I am happy to say that I found myself doing it again today, which make a total of two times this week.  Afterwards, as I was sitting in my car in the parking lot, I realized how much this has changed me.  Unfortunately this week, I was told of some deaths that had happened over the course of a few days.  The bright side, it wasn't within my family.  However, the deaths occurred to family members of people I knew and cared about.  When I heard the news of each passing, I felt sad for the ones going through it.  I said a prayer, but I also pictured the person in my mind.  I met them in a bright meadow filled with beauty and life.  Then I hugged them and filled myself up with love and light and let it pass to them.  That may sound either really sweet or really creepy depending on who reads this.

In the past, I would have just said a prayer and let it be.  Now, I felt compelled to send them extra love and light to help them get through this difficult time.

Wow, this is getting to be a long post, so let me wrap it up.  In regards to that saying about not being able to lead another without having gone there yourself, I fully agree!  As health professionals, we are living examples of the ideas we are trying to teach to our patients.  How can we fully expect them to do something that we, ourselves, are not willing to do? The truth is, we can't.  I always try to stay mindful of that fact.  By walking the line, I become more than just a person standing up front saying "Do this, do that!"  I become an example of how to do it and a reference to help someone if they get stuck or frustrated.

TTFN: Tata For Now!
-Mel

Yoda: The Integral Health Master

Holy Crow!
Star Wars is freaking awesome!
Yoda is an integral health master!
I didn't notice it until watching Star Wars V tonight.
Yes, I know, I'm a dork.

Seriously, hear me out on this one.  In Star Wars V, when Luke is training with Yoda and running through the swamp, Yoda is steadily talking to Luke about clearing his mind and finding peace.  He even tells Luke that is how he will be able to discern the Good Force from the Dark Force, when his mind is still and at peace.  Yoda even guides him through meditations!

And all through the training, Luke acts like a ***** (insert word for female dog).  Yes, I said it; Luke is a whiny heffer during all this enlightenment and inner development training.  Remember the part where Yoda tells him to use the Force to bring his sunken fighter out of the bog? Then Yoda's most memorable line "Do or do not; there is no try". 

He even lays more knowledge down after he resurrects the ship himself.  Luke comes over to where Yoda is at and is completely baffled at what he has just witnessed.  He says he can't believe it and Yoda replies "That is why you fail".

Can anyone else relate to this?  I know I have fallen into this trap of not really believing in some of the ideas presented by this class.  More specifically, the whole meditation thing (big surprise there, right?)  Maybe that is why I am not doing that great with it; my belief isn't fully there.  That probably sounds horrible, but I'm just being honest.  Will I ever get over this doubt? I don't know.

Anyway, I wasn't really going for anything important with this post.  I was just sharing a light bulb moment.  Carry on, citizens.

TTFN: Tata For Now
-Mel

Crossfit, Loving-Kindness, and My Integral Assessment

Holy Crow! It is Unit 6!
I know it is a day late, but Happy Turkey-Day everyone!  I hope y'all did what I did and just overdose on some really good food and enjoy some extra special time with family!

Okay, onto my blog.
I realized something this week.  Crossfit is a source of meditation for me.  I guess it would be an active meditation, if that is even a real term.  If not, I just coined a new term.  Crossfit clears my mind; makes it still.  Thoughts that normally invade the meditations that we have had to do for this class, just float in the background.  How weird is that?  In the middle of pushing my body past its limits, my mind is still and at peace.  I guess that is how I found myself doing my Loving-Kindness meditation.

My Crossfit box had a 10am Thanksgiving Day workout.  We did the named wod "Eva": 5 rounds of 800 meter run, 30 kettlebell swings (I used a 35 pound kettlebell), 30 pullups (they were banded, yuck).  The coach put a 40 minute time cap so we weren't there at the gym for the whole day lol.  I will say that I hate to run, but over the years I have gotten better.  It was during this brutal beat down that I shocked myself in doing my loving-kindness meditation.  I actually pictured my loved ones, those near and far, and I could feel my love for them swell and pour out to them.  I didn't breathe in their distress; I just let the love and light I was feeling during my physical beat down pour out of me and into them.  I have to say that it was an awesome experience.  My body is sore, but my spirit feels even more content for having done that meditation.

As for my integral assessment, I will admit that I had to read the chapter a few times before I fully understood what I was suppose to do.  I had to draw the map on some paper and list each line of development and then re-read each section and then I was able to do the assessment.  I circled the development that I felt needed some attention.

In the psychospiritual quadrant, I felt that my emotional development needed some attention.  I am currently doing some work in the emotional department.  I am the type of person that usually keeps my negative emotions in a bottle.  I guess this stems from being an only child and always wanting to be pleasing.  I understand that this bottling behavior is not a good thing to do and can lead to physical problems.  The work I am doing is being more vocal about my emotions, but do it in a tactful way.  It's not easy because I still want to bottle the negative ones up, but I have made some improvement.  I am more likely now to say if something bothers me, which is HUGE.

In the biological quadrant, my self-regulation development needs some attention.  From my understanding of the reading, this has to do with mind-body practices.  I have mentioned that I practice Krav Maga and while it is important to breathe during punches, it doesn't really focus on mind-body.  However, with my recent epiphany about how my mind is at peace during Crossfit, I think I will start to try to utilize that perfect moment to expand my consciousness.

In the interpersonal quadrant, this might sound selfish, but my personal development needs a little help.  I think every mom can relate to the feeling of just wanting some personal time.  From the moment I wake, until the moment I go to bed, my thoughts and actions reflect my dedication to my family and making sure they are taken care of.  This makes personal time something that gets pushed to the back burner.  I feel selfish for even wanting it because it feels like I am betraying my family for wanting just a moment for me.  I am not even sure exactly what I would do if I did get some personal time.  Isn't that crazy? I have no clue what I would do.  I could very well just use it for sleep.    I don't really know how to even go about increasing the development of personal time.

In the worldly quadrant, I have to say that each of the lines of development need some attention.  Being a housewife, my work environment is the house; not much interaction.  My social activism I guess would be my Paleo lifestyle.  I tend to eat a lot of local produce and meats.  I believe that this falls under the "Think Globally, Buy Locally" theme.  As for the generativity, I think my teaching and passing values and beliefs onto my son falls under this category.  I am having trouble thinking of how to help develop this quadrant.  This could be because I am really tired and full of food and my brain is feeling content and sluggish.

I think I will end this post.  Tomorrow when I am fresh and awake, I will give more thought to this last quadrant.  If I can think of something to help develop this aspect of my life, I will do another post.

TTFN: Tata For Now
-Mel

Unit 5. Really?

Holy Crow! Is it really Unit 5 already?

Ok, time for confessions:
I have not kept up with the Loving-Kindness meditation.
It is entirely possible that I will not keep up the subtle mind meditation, nor the loving-kindness one.
My kid thinks he is Spider-Man; that's my only explanation for him climbing on EVERYTHING.

Whew! Now that I got that off my chest, let's get on with the Unit 5 meditation results.

First off, I hate breathing.  Not really. I thoroughly enjoy breathing; I just hate being told how to breathe.  I never seem to do it right when I am told how to do it; either I let it out too soon or don't breathe in deep enough.  With this meditation, I felt like I was hyperventilating when I had to start with 10 deep breaths.  I also got a little confused about the "focus point".  I kept thinking if I was suppose to be looking at something while I did this meditation.  Then I realized the focus point was my  breathing.

I am sensing an underlying theme of frustration when it comes to doing these meditations.  My apologies to those that follow my blog.

I didn't get to finish the whole thing because my son woke up from his nap and was a huge ball of fussiness and snot.  Me thinks he is trying to catch another cold.

When I got to the part where I was suppose to bring my mind back to my breathing if it began to wander, I had to do that several times.  My mind was like the front desk of a psychiatric ward where all the doctors, nurses, and patients were me.  They were all heffers.  On the bright side, they looked like they could squat like nobody's business.  I guess what I am trying to say is that my mind was all over the place.  I have a long way to go before I get that "Teflon" mind where everything can ebb and flow without sticking.

I think the whole "Teflon" thing is a little weird.  Think about it. Why does Teflon stick to pans when nothing is suppose to stick to Teflon?

As far as benefits, I think the thing I got out of this was being more aware of just how jumbled my mind really is.  Most of it was just everyday Life things, bills, family, weather, why my right pinky toe is different from my left.  The rest of it was really just background noise that glues it all together.  There were certain things that seemed to stay longer than others and I think this is what the lady was saying about being "pulled" toward that thought.  I have to agree with the lady doing the meditation, it is interesting how our mind is trained to worry over things like a dog gnawing on an old bone.

Oh well, I am grateful for the extra awareness to my jumbled mind that this exercise provided.  Notice I said grateful, not thankful.  I am grateful for the awareness because it is an opportunity for more growth.

TTFN: Tata For Now
Mel